10 Highly Effective Ways to Market like an Asshole

Posted by Justin Boland on Mar 25, 2009 | 0 Comments

I am not a hater. I would like to thank the Universe for the challenges and opportunities, and I would like to thank the people who made this article possible.  I didn’t write this: dozens of anonymous correspondents, most of whom I’m dealing with the for the first time, wrote this for me.  Without your shining example of Prime Stupid, I would have had to make this shit up and that’s hard work for any writer.

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2. Mass invitations to social networks and membership sites.

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3. Creating Your Own Social Network.

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4. Getting Angry at Media For Not Promoting You.

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I don’t know why I’m even bothering, but for real you need some clarity about where you stand.  You talk the talk about hip hop and promotion and supporting the Underground but we been out here longer than you dog point blank, grinding putting out mixtapes, doing the free music thing, and you’re interviewing clowns like Icon cuz the white kids like him and cuz he knocked the fuck out of Copywrite and that’s it.  You’re just chasing celebrities like anyone else.

It goes on, obviously, but the really remarkable thing about this email was the context: it was from someone who has never contacted me before. My general policy is to chalk up all hate mail to good people having bad days, and I’m sure this dude was no exception.  Still, I’m not interested in interviewing him and I’m not even gonna name the dude here.

Remember: nobody anywhere owes you anything.  (Not even “the white kids.”)

5. Make Deals With Anything That Moves

Here’s another real-life example:

I WANT TO GET AT YOU ABOUT CO-BRANDING WITH YOUR SITES I LIKE YOUR STYLE AND WE GOT THAT AUDIENCE THAT YOU WANT. I REPRESENT [like I’d put you on] CLOTHING AND WE SHOULD BE HAVING A CONVERSATION!!!

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6. Begging vs. Networking

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7. Email Fellatio

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8. Too Much Literature: or, Don’t Hand Me a Bible

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10. Don’t Be This Guy

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11. …You Tell Me.

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“The best time to plant a tree is 100 years ago.  The second best time is today.”-Chinese Proverb